Domestic violence takes many forms – physical, psychological, economic, sexual, emotional, and spiritual. The abuser may engage in violent and controlling behaviors such as physical assault, sexual abuse, rape, threats, intimidation, harassment or humiliation. Abusers may repeatedly belittle their partners or voice constant unreasonable criticism. Some abusers exert economic control over their victims by withholding money and access to financial resources. Victims often experience feelings of deprivation and isolation. If you feel like any of these things are happening to you, you are in a domestic violence relationship.

Reach out for help. Call the 24-hour domestic violence hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). Learn more about domestic violence by exploring resources available through the police department or the local library.

Victims of domestic violence are often embarrassed by what is happening or are in denial about their situation. If you have reason to believe that a friend, family member or neighbor is experiencing domestic violence, there are many ways you can try to help. Start the conversation – Talk to the person and try to help her or him to open up. You may have to try several times before the person will confide in you. Be direct. Start by saying something like, “I’m worried about you because …” or “I’m concerned about your safety …”

Listen. And believe what you hear. Too often, people don’t believe a victim when she or he first discloses the abuse that is occurring. Reassure the person that the abuse is not their fault. Let the person know that you are there for them. Do not judge. Focus on providing support and building self-confidence.

Encourage the person to seek the help of a local domestic violence agency. Agencies can provide support, advice, services and referrals. They can help a victim with safety planning.

t can take a long time for a victim to recognize that she or he is experiencing domestic violence. It can take even longer before the victim is able to make safe decisions about how to get out of a domestic violence situation. Don’t tell the person to leave. Don’t criticize her or him for staying. An abused woman faces the greatest risk at the point when she is separating from her abuser and immediately after leaving the abusive partner. Provide reassurance. Remind the victim that the abuse is not their fault. Acknowledge their strengths and remind the person frequently that she or he is coping well with a challenging and stressful situation.

Criminal and civil law offers important protections for individuals who are experiencing domestic violence. If an assault has taken place and is reported, the police will investigate the crime. Where they have power of arrest, they will normally arrest the suspect. Where there is enough evidence, and if prosecution is in the public interest, the person who committed the assault will be prosecuted.

The safest place for someone escaping domestic violence is one that’s not familiar to the abuser. If you make the decision to leave, it’s best to go to a location that the abuser doesn’t know about, such as a Safe House.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, but are not ready to leave your abuser, focus on making a safety plan. This is especially important if you are concerned that the abuse may escalate. Identify your partner’s use and level of force so that you can assess the risk of physical danger. Try to have a phone accessible at all times – and know what numbers to call for help. Know where the nearest public phone is located. If you believe your life is in danger, call 911 for police assistance. Let trusted friends and neighbors know about your situation. Create a plan and a visual signal to let them know when you need help. Plan for your safety by making a list of what items you want to bring with you when you are ready to leave. (See below for more information about items you may want to collect before leaving a domestic violence situation.)

What can I say and/or do when violence occurs? Too often, children are witnesses to domestic violence in the home. If you are a victim of domestic violence, explain to your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is violent. Emphasize the importance of staying safe. Let children know that neither you, nor them, are at fault for the violence. Instruct children not to get involved if there is violence between you and your partner. Teach them how to get help when it’s needed. Plan a code word to signal to your children that they should summon help or get out of the house. If you are planning to leave your abuser, practice ways to get out of the home safely. Practice with your children.

Make a point to identify safe areas of your home that offer a means of escape. If arguments begin, try to move to those areas. Safe areas are generally areas of the home where there are no weapons. We can help victims devise a safety plan and take many steps to ensure that they are able to escape safely when they are ready to leave.

If your life is in danger, you may need to escape with nothing at all. However, if you have the opportunity to plan ahead, use the following lists to locate documents and items that can be helpful to victims who are leaving an abuser and starting a new life: Identification Driver’s license or state-issued ID card Birth certificates (for you and your children, if any) Social security card(s) Financial information Money and/or credit cards that are in your name Checking, savings and other banking/financial account records Legal Papers Orders of protection, if any exist Copies of housing records (e.g., leases, rental agreements, deed to your home) Vehicle registration/vehicle insurance information Insurance cards and records (e.g., health, life, homeowners) Medical records (for you and your children, if any) School records Work permits/green card/visas Passport(s) Marriage license Divorce and child custody papers Emergency telephone numbers for: Your local police and/or sheriff’s department Your local domestic violence program or shelter Friends, family members, neighbors Your doctor’s office and local hospital County and/or district attorney’s office Other Personal cell phone and/or pay-as-you-go phone Medications Extra set of house and car keys Address book Valuable jewelry Photos and sentimental items Several changes of clothes for you and your children Emergency money

Forcing sexual contact without consent is sexual abuse. Coercing a partner to engage in any sort of sexual act is abuse unless the partner willingly agrees. Making a partner engage in sex following physical violence is sexual abuse.

Physical abuse is what most people envision when they think of domestic violence. Physical abuse may include punching, hitting, shoving or kicking. Some abusers will engage in biting, scratching or hair-pulling.

Some abusers engage in psychological abuse to control their partners. They use intimidation to cause fear and gain control. They may threaten to hurt themselves, their partner, family members, friends or pets. Some will work to isolate their partners from loved ones or prevent them from engaging in activities they enjoy.

Abusers often try to exert power by breaking down their partner’s sense of self-worth. They may engage in name-calling or frequent criticism. Their words are meant to damage their partner’s self-esteem, making it easier for the abuser to wield power over the victim.

Forcing sexual contact without consent is sexual abuse. Coercing a partner to engage in any sort of sexual act is abuse unless the partner willingly agrees. Making a partner engage in sex following physical violence is sexual abuse.

The use of scriptures, traditions, and cultural norms to assert power and control over an intimate partner. It is not limited to a certain religion or denomination. Any person, of any belief system, is capable of perpetrating spiritual/religious abuse.

Financial abuse occurs when one partner limits access to financial assets in order to control the other partner. Many abusers seek to exert total control over the couple’s financial resources. An abuser may withhold money to make the partner financially dependent on him or her. In some cases, the abuser will forbid the partner to go to work and earn money. Without access to financial resources, the victim’s options are severely restricted, sometimes dangerously so.

Stalking is another type of abuse in which one party directs harassing or threatening behavior toward the intended target. Stalkers typically engage in repeated behavior that causes fear for their victims. They may repeatedly attempt to contact their victims despite being aware that the communication is unwanted. “Cyberstalking, ” which means that the abuser is using technology to stalk his or her victim, is increasingly common.